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THROW MYSELF INTO THE BAY

by Brandon Lucas Green

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1.
arrangement 03:25
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Ignorant as an elephant I will not forget how we came to this I've run out of faith in the church and state On our own is next I'll have to accept this arrangement Ill equipped for a pandemic I'm not confident in my leadership Anxious all the time / falling out of line Take another hit 'cause I have to stick to this arrangement Don't just sit Don't get used to it Don't think you can't do any better than this They're lying to you They took out your crew They own all the voices that reach out and fill you with amazement Fill your cup Fill it up with luck But be quick cause it’s about to all run out I don’t have the patience for all the incessant arguments and everything that I cannot control Enough! I’m doing the best I can Enough! I’m doing the best I can Enough! I’m doing the best I can Enough! I’m doing the best I can Enough! We’re doing the best we can Enough! We’re doing the best we can Enough! We’re doing the best we can Enough! We’re doing the best we can
2.
honeymoon is over 02:47
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The honeymoon is over Disappeared without a trace Now we gotta start things over Ain’t a thing we can't erase I don't care about your history I don’t care about the bills Yeah, we gotta start ‘em over And it isn't for a thrill If they had their way they’d stay on top and kick you the fuck out If they had their way they’d stay on top and kick you the fuck out Now I don’t know your damage But yeah we’ve all been abused No, this didn’t hurt me as much But I’m not just in a mood Now if you don’t see a future Maybe there’s one somewhere else If you can't make your voice heard I'll fucking take you there myself If they had their way they’d stay on top and kick you the fuck out If they had their way they’d stay on top and kick you the fuck out Yeah, we took a dozen seats back Yeah, he lost in a disgrace Now the honeymoon is over Disappeared without a trace There’s a chasm in our thinking Two heads, swing and a miss You can live an ignoramus Or accept we gotta split Now I don't have the patience I’m too hoarse to scream and shout I ain’t waiting for the next term Just to vote these fuckers out
3.
we don't belong 04:04
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would you look up high? there’s more than the streetlights watch the kid fly by he’s jumped but he’s feeling fine side effects are small and harmless only when you hit the surface no we don’t belong it’s so visceral it’s good to feel something and if it hurts to fall you deal with it, you take it so addictive the price to pay there’s nothing worth keeping anyway no we don’t belong mother father what'd you do to bring us down to this? hollow conversations on the things we used to miss we’re compressed by the distractions we open up when we’re alone just keep it in make no reaction and wait it out and then you’re done open up let it out now give yourself the space to breathe open up overreactions embrace the chaos and you’re free
4.
(loser in the) free world 02:23
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This song you're hearing is a hobby I can't believe I found the time Derivative but you don't care It's in the background, in the air It's brought to you by Spotify A steady job so I got money Be in demand like I was taught Waiting for Mom and Dad to die So I can sell their house and try To pay off all this shit I bought (We all gotta start somewhere) I have enough, I'm still a loser A loser in the fuckin' free world I'm comfortable but I'm still nervous A loser in the fuckin' free world I've got a dream inside my head The ending has us dead I can't help thinking we deserve this Keep eating what they fed My friend back home, don't recognize her She made millions with her kink I see a shimmer in her eye She's gotta to sell the house and try To hide from predators she got (We all gotta start somewhere) She had enough, she's still a loser A loser in the fuckin' free world She's on the run and she's still nervous A loser in the fuckin' free world A loser in the fuckin' free world A loser in the fuckin' free world
5.
hive mind 04:27
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No need to disappear No need to take it slow No need to change your chemistry No longer on your own We’re passing through the circuitry The system overloads I know what you’re doing You know what I want We all need the same things We don’t need to talk I've got a dream inside my head It says we'll take this to the bed Am I alive or am I dead? By now you've got my read We're takin' selfies on our knees We are the roots under the tree So am I dead or am I alive? I fall in with the hive We know what you're doing You know what we want We all need the same things We don't need to talk I know what you're doing All your eyes are mine We don't need an intro We don't have the time We all need the same things We don’t need to talk I know what you’re watching I can hear you moan I can see the system Through my telephone I’m in the experiment Try to fight the hive We reject the network We’ve stepped out of time
6.
spiral song 02:53
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Sober up now, look up to the light The kids have all jumped, they’re all feeling fine Gone through this once, I used to be young I’m movin’ up now, I’m still at the bottom What does it take to lead a full life? What does it matter if I’m alright? Am I alright? I’m empty inside Inside of my head I feel like I’m flying In a spiral I’m a black mage, I’m one in the crowd Cast a white spell, you’re slowing me down Tantalus, I am weak like you now Ixion, I’m around and around In a spiral I found another episode Just put it in the queue Just four or five more episodes I know you want it too
7.
?????? 01:13
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sun high in the sky over the front sun set in the back over an empty chair read all the books that you can terror still of the unknown a rocking chair on wheels is not a place for a girl like you what can i do?
8.
lashing out!!!!!! 04:32
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7 8 Woke up at 3am again I don’t think that I can stand the pressure I’ve been putting onto my brain Your body’s changing Organs moving Mine is beaten up by my own genetic default Won’t you say hi to my old friend? He's in my head and he's unhinged He likes to follow everywhere When he’s not there I’m scared I can’t believe I’m turning into fucking one of them Another silly angry little white boy My parents sitting right upstairs I try to shut them out but I can’t help letting them in I swear to god I'm in control Just punched a hole into a wall I swear to god it’s not your fault I hope you understand I gotta get some feelings out of the way Don't wanna throw myself into the bay I gotta get some feelings out of the way Don't wanna throw myself into the bay I could get used to this Only a few things I miss Keep everything nice and neat The living room is set We’ve got a little space to blow off steam outside the city where we met I really hate this side of me This time I punched the TV screen You’re not supposed to see this side of me I hope you know If you don’t like it you can leave If you don’t like it you can leave If you don’t like it you can leave If you don’t like it leave I gotta get some feelings out of the way Don’t wanna throw myself into the bay I gotta get some feelings out of the way Don’t wanna throw myself into the bay
9.
oxycodone 06:05
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A little pain for us to take away We really think that it’ll help You’ll get addicted to the feeling We really think that it’ll help You really sure that you don’t need it? We really think that it can help Ain’t liable for your dependence No need to worry ‘bout your health A little pain for us to take away We really think that it’ll help A little pain for us to take away We really think that it’ll help We’re here to render you a service The more you pay the more you get You may lose sight of when of the day ends Awaken in pool of sweat A little pain for us to take away We really think that it’ll help A little pain for us to take away We really think that it’ll help I can’t see I can’t leave I can’t eat I can’t sleep I can’t see I can’t leave I can’t eat I can’t sleep I can’t see I can’t leave I can’t eat I can’t sleep I can’t see I can’t leave I can’t eat I can’t sleep
10.
hopefully 02:20
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you are my bright little star they didn’t think you would make it this far mama sleeping in hospital bed “we aren’t so comfortable letting you leave yet” they said well we’re finally home now for the shock of you settling in someday a little of this could be yours hopefully i didn’t vote wrong to jeopardize that you are the happiest thing in our lives i hope i don’t accidentally screw you up this is the happiest time of your life hopefully everything doesn’t go downhill from here blissful months by focusing on you fuck i forgot to give you some more food mama said i shouldn’t say "fuck" in front of you (fuck) remembering not enough to keep you from crying so let’s go outside look in awe at the trees i hope those tears in your eyes aren’t directed at me you are the happiest thing in our lives i hope i don’t accidentally screw it up this is the happiest time of your life hopefully everything doesn’t go downhill from here
11.
bubble 05:14
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I made myself a little bubble So I could shut off all the noise Turned on my phone for just a second Another story ‘bout the boys I’m gonna stay in my own bubble If you don’t like it you can leave The boys are fighting over nothing All this technology’s a tease We’re gonna all make our own bubbles We’re gonna make up our own rules Secede into our little bubbles You really wanna check the news? Opinions taking up my personal space Disagreement get me out of this place Echo everything I wanna hear Gimme something that my enemies fear Secede into my little bubble If you don't like it you can leave Secede into my little bubble I’ll make shit up that I believe Don't pop the bubble Pop the bubble Pop the bubble Don't check the news California’s in a bubble Massachusetts, here’s the news All Dixieland is in a bubble South Dakota, here’s the news Even Europe's in a bubble Jerusalem, here's the news
12.
belong reprise 01:59
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I’ve been depressed with no distraction i curled up i felt alone just keep it in a few more years now and wait it out until I’m done i opened up, i let it out i got myself a space to breathe i opened up, overreacted and now a few guys follow me what does it take to pave your own way? what justifies your salary? what does it take to kill your own kind? there’s someone who tells you for free i never thought you’d read this garbage i never thought that i belonged we influence the influencers there’s no way that it can go wrong
13.
sleepwalking again 04:17
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Over and over turnover burn out Earned me some cash via corporate snout Quit if I’m able I’ll build me some clout My stomach turning with self doubt Over and over show’s over turn in Glued to the phone, my attention is thin Curve of your body keeps drawing me in And yet I’m sleepwalking again I know it’s all on the table I’ll quit if I’m able The stars might align So let’s turn on a dime it’s all on the table I’ll quit if I’m able The stars might align So let’s turn on a dime Yeah it’s all for you I know that it’s all for you

about

A sort-of rock opera chronicling the past three years of a privileged anxious person.

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released July 28, 2023

All songs written and performed by Brandon Lucas Green

Artwork by Stable Diffusion AI v1
Additional photography by Alicia Green

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Brandon Lucas Green Massachusetts

I'm a classically trained pianist who grew up in the late 90s / early 00s and now makes loud music in my basement.

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